I woke up today with a storm of emotions. Anger, frustration, shock, hopelessness, bits of hope wrapped up in the anger but flickering. And among all of this was the knowledge that for me, this wouldn't actually be that big of a deal.
I don't mean that it's okay for me. This isn't okay for anyone. Not even the people who voted for him. But I'm the sort of person who exists in this very middle space, not being actively in danger but instead just sort of irrelevant.
I'm white and cis, because I'm Christian and I live in a fairly progressive county of a relatively progressive state, I'm not really someone that gets attacked by these fascist bigots. I'm queer, but it's not especially visible or relevant to my life other than having mostly queer friend groups. At the same time, I don't have enough influence or power to make much of a difference. I'm poor. I'm a freelance artist that next to nobody knows. I have mental health issues that I mostly know how to handle but that occasionally render me useless.
Of course, there are things I can do. I can vote. I can complain to representatives who don't really listen. I can make a safe space for my friends with less privilege than myself, and I can get in touch with groups that are organizing and volunteer my time. But I can't donate money to the groups I care about when I have to ask my dad to spot me for rent every month. I can't drive or host big events in my small apartment. And on days like this, it feels like the things I can do are just too small.
There's an immense privilege with my position, and also a sense of powerlessness. I'm the sort of person who will probably be okay if I just continue my life as it is now. I'm not going to be killed or jailed, I'm not going to lose my job because of my gender (though I might lose it to the AI bros who have hitched their wagons to Trump). But I also know that if I were to throw everything I could as an individual at him, it wouldn't make a dent. I just don't matter to him. I don't come into his plans at all.
I've been thinking about a story today, the kind of story we've all heard before about a group of people who go on a quest to fight the evil despot. But these are neither the exiles who are being hunted down by the despot's army, nor the royals and nobles who became aware of the ills of the world and decide to defend the helpless. These are just people who don't cross the villain's mind. A nun or a low level priestess. A baker. An artist's apprentice. A hunter who rarely gets involved in politics.
That's it. No plot twist that they were Secretly Special All Along or that they were the Only People Who Could Do It (or even the only people who are doing it). Just a handful of irrelevant nobodies who could just keep their heads down and they would probably be okay, who could turn around at any point because the villain honestly just does not care about them. And people who, for whatever reason, keep going.
And I know that's not an original story. Even Lord of the Rings - while it had immortal elves and secret kings, etc. - was ultimately about a bunch of hobbits saving the day. And the hobbits don't become world leaders, they just go back home. I don't think it's the sort of story that would change the world. But it's the sort of story that I think I need right now.
I need to remember that yeah, I am incredibly low on the list, and I'm not very powerful as an individual. That's the point. You don't make changes as an individual. You find other people trying to make changes, and you work together. You organize. That's what I intend to do. Because if I kept doing what I was doing, yeah, this probably wouldn't be a big deal for me. But that's not what I intend to do.
I said this to my friends today as we were comforting each other, and I want to say it now to you: Sharpen your anger and your hope. We'll need them and we'll need you.